So this was my 2nd official 30 Day Challenge, 3rd unofficial challenge since I count training as a special 30 Day Challenge.
Going into this was very different from the first Challenge in November. I was excited for that challenge but I don't think I understood the impact it would have on me and where taking that challenge could lead me if I let it. In a lot of ways that Challenge brought my decision to apply to Teacher Training right to the forefront of my mind and it was during classes where I felt strong and "me" like I hadn't in a very long time.
And yet, the effects of that challenge faded quickly.
I didn't understand that the challenge continued when the month was over.
Going into this Challenge-yes as part of my distance learning for Teacher Training but mostly as a way to solidify my practice, get in tune with my body and really take a step back to be grateful for the amazing things my body does for me without having to ask and being amazed at all those fluctuating functions.
I felt a bit like I was floundering after training, that I had lost my practice at the exact time I needed to be focusing on it. I lost touch with my body and began to slip into a mindset a lot of women and some men do-just criticizing the details instead of seeing the big picture. I was scared my teaching wouldn't be as effective because I've gained weight the last year and a half. A lot of weight. And yoga is about "being healthy." What I kept missing was the part where 'healthy' doesn't have to equal a size 2 or 4 or even 6. What I was missing was that healthy encompasses a vast range of motion including those pesky little thoughts that creep into everyone's mind and scream "You're not good enough." Whether it be "You're not thin enough" or whether it be "You're a failure at being successful in a career" ANY self deprecating thoughts are unhealthy.
And so those became my focus in this Challenge. Challenging myself to connect with the body to bring ease to the mind.
There were really hard days. Days where practicing just seemed like the worst idea but I practiced and I let that thought go and I left the studio feeling the prana moving through me. Letting that be enough.
I have a long way to go in regards to finding a great balance in my health but I know that I can do it and I know that listening to my body will never steer me wrong, it's fairly intuitive and that needs to be respected, rejoiced and thanked. Repeatedly.
Onto the next project bringing the lessons I've learned into my life toolbox....