Saturday, March 26, 2011
The last 24 hours have been superbly strange and things that would only happen to me, including getting my key for the bank depository stuck in the keyhole and having to break it off.
I've had weird sensations all day, that I'm fairly certain have to do with stock boxes falling on me and not the bottle of wine I drank to make my day seem less terrible...
I've not felt so melancholic in a very long while. Ironically, my darling friend Megan encouraged me to write and article for a contest to end up being a fashion blogger and since as she put it I "have nothing to lose!" I just finished one article (you can keep submitting so maybe?) and sent it to her to look over and edit before I send it in.
The best part is, I finally feel me again. Writing does that. It centers me and calms me in a way nothing else has ever been able to.
Now to make sure I continue to write and submit. Being active and pursuing what I want is what keeps the melancholy at bay...even if that melancholy sometimes produces my best pieces. ;)
Arthur Quiller-Couch, ed. 1919. The Oxford Book of English Verse: 1250–1900.
John Keats. 1795–1821
628. Ode on Melancholy
NO, no! go not to Lethe, neither twist
Wolf's-bane, tight-rooted, for its poisonous wine;
Nor suffer thy pale forehead to be kist
By nightshade, ruby grape of Proserpine;
Make not your rosary of yew-berries, 5
Nor let the beetle, nor the death-moth be
Your mournful Psyche, nor the downy owl
A partner in your sorrow's mysteries;
For shade to shade will come too drowsily,
And drown the wakeful anguish of the soul. 10
But when the melancholy fit shall fall
Sudden from heaven like a weeping cloud,
That fosters the droop-headed flowers all,
And hides the green hill in an April shroud;
Then glut thy sorrow on a morning rose, 15
Or on the rainbow of the salt sand-wave,
Or on the wealth of globèd peonies;
Or if thy mistress some rich anger shows,
Emprison her soft hand, and let her rave,
And feed deep, deep upon her peerless eyes. 20
She dwells with Beauty—Beauty that must die;
And Joy, whose hand is ever at his lips
Bidding adieu; and aching Pleasure nigh,
Turning to poison while the bee-mouth sips:
Ay, in the very temple of Delight 25
Veil'd Melancholy has her sovran shrine,
Though seen of none save him whose strenuous tongue
Can burst Joy's grape against his palate fine;
His soul shall taste the sadness of her might,
And be among her cloudy trophies hung. 30
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
That being said the walks, talks, cuddles and tasty treats really made me remember and realize I should have been there this past year. Alas, I cannot turn back time so continue to move forward. But moving forward means cleaning, purging and downsizing.
I took a full suitcase for 2.5 days. And this is what it has turned into since coming back.
And yes that is a Lord of The Rings poster on my bedroom door.
I need to go and try to clean that all up. Or well probably after Criminal Minds. Ya know? Priorities.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
My Irish roots shine through during the celebration on March 17th. My first year of University when I took off with some of the best people ever to Dublin cannot be beat. Drunken shopping? An entire city in a street party? Fabulous. Not to mention my increasingly green attire that was packed in a single backpack for the occasion.
I did however miss my family's annual St. Patrick's day meal. Homemade sour dough bread (originally made by my stupendous brother and Paternal Grandmother), Corned beef, and potatoes being on the menu. It is a wonderfully relaxing and enjoyable time. Maybe it's the Guinness, Kileney or Jameson consumption but it's probably my favourite time to spend with my family. Or maybe it's that my one sister usually never showed up...perhaps a bit of both. No drama, good food, good drink, good chatter.
This year my mum has made Guinness Brownies for dessert which we are going to sample soon. Both semi-sweet chocolate, white chocolate, and Guinness mixed to perfection (hopefully!) and about a days worth of calories in one serving.
BUT this year, as I am not able to be in Dublin and I am in Hamilton where nothing really occurs. Ever. I am taking off for my lovely Alma Mater city-Kingston- where I shall dress as a leprechaun...at least for photos...and see all my lovelies I have been missing. I don't even know if/where we'll get into. I arrive approx. 6pm and potentially have started to drink on the train. Haha.
All I know is that I laugh when I think of this once "Catholic" holiday being celebrated by copious amounts of (green)beer and liquor...although it may sum up Catholicism better than Christmas or Easter. Haha. Constraint usually results in some pretty epic letting go.
I leave you with the anatomy of Guinness and my wishful thinking that I will one day be a Guinness Factory Oompa Loompa but as my wonderful Ange of The Miss Bennets stated "with less orange and more sexy."
Enjoy the Craic tomorrow! And everyday...
Friday, March 11, 2011
SO I bought Franco Sarto's espadrilles-style Cannes- in red! Adorable! And I may have also justified this purchase because I bought a black and white polka dot bandeau bikini from Aqua La Vie en Rose. Very Retro inspired. Very Marilyn essentially.
They will look super chic together! And then I can add a giant floppy hat to complete the look! Eee!!! Or I can wear the espadrilles with cute shorts and a tank while walking in I don't know PARIS...okay so Paris isn't confirmed but I could! Cobblestones eat your heart out.
Just for reference.
Bikini top looks like this:
And the Franco Sarto's
So come on Spring!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
The whole world took part in the "It Gets Better" campaign a while back after that surge in teenage suicides. But what if it doesn't "get better". Realistically. What if it doesn't.
People can change things about their lives but I truly don't believe they can change the innermost part of themselves. So what if, some people are just born to feel things harder, to be surrounded by sadness, to be high strung, what about those people. They don't have terrible lives or have had terrible things happen to them. What if they come from a "normal" family but just got lost in the shuffle, not neglected per say not ignored but just lost. They didn't get the same amount of hugs or the same amount of "I love yous" or the same amount of "You keep going kid, we've got your back" because for whatever reason their parents didn't realize how important those moments were. And because of this people thought the child was just "really independent" and "mature for their age" thus speeding up the process and ignoring childhood needs to be able to laugh and play without any sort of worry.
The combination between a sad nature and an offhand nurture could mean that there is no "fix" -no getting better- for that person.
Or maybe the fact that I don't believe in medicating individuals because they are "sad" means that I don't see a fix. I don't think medication fixes anything. I think it's a band-aid fix.
I appreciated the union, the community, the support of the videos,blogs, and online movements that said "things get better" but I never believe in it. I think sometimes things just don't get better. Things can't get better. People can't be better. We've created such a world that people are desperate for touch and connection of any kind but are unable to feel that connection and touch because of jadedness, hurt, distrust.
Our world is too broken for things to "get better". We need to heal the planet and the people on it before things can actually get better. We need to learn to trust again. We need to fucking share what we have and not worry so much about money. In a world so connected, so globalized I've never seen so many lost people.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
If I were to try and lock down my blog "topic" it would rotate between cats-or more specifically my Shrimpy-, tea, and fashion.
Shrimpy is such a character. My little cat-dog-human makes me smile like no one else has ever been able to. He knows when I'm not feeling well before I do and then stays with me until I feel better.
I drink tea daily and in buckets. The calming and purifying affect brings me a sense of calm the same way Shrimp curling up on my bed giving my blankets an extra weight makes me calm.
And fashion, well, to say that I read Vogue or fashion blogs would be a lie but that doesn't mean I don't know my stuff. I've said it for years that I'm ahead of my time when it comes to fashion. Like in grade 9 when I wore flowers in my hair, got made fun of, and then in grade 11 that was "SO FASHIONABLE" or when Polka Dots made their come back. I never gave them up. Most of my "go to" clothes are polka dotted.
That's why when I bought Emus last year my world nearly collapsed. Or trying on "jeggings' made me cringe. Now in my defense Emus are like slippers and I am on my feet so much that I can have ugly fashion for comfort every once in a while. So should I splurge and buy some Uggs??? The cute sweater ones? Or should I use that 100 dollars for a mala necklace? The conundrums of life!
Friday, March 4, 2011
Wednesday, March 2, 2011
My day at work did not so much as improve but get significantly worse and then go back to just regular "one of those days."
However, now drinking tea and watching MASH my heart has stopped hurting so badly and I am just tired.
I am also in awe of the the superstars I am surrounded by in my life. My one friend is rocking it in the publishing world. Doing the accelerated program at Ryerson, an internship, lots of job applications and now one of two members of a department, heading to book events each week and just being a superstar in general. Then I just found out another one is going back to Queen's to do her PhD. SERIOUSLY. I am in awe. But not even those who did more schooling after undergrad but my best friend who jumped into a job for experience and is taking off to Vancouver (where I will meet up with her later) and has a job interview with CHUM.
Now, if I didn't love these girls I'd probably hate them. ;) But I know they all work so hard and I know they give me hope for where I can go. Awesome people usually surround other awesome people. Or I just lucked out completely. ;)
This is life after undergrad!
So this was not my planned blog update but alas as "those" days go nothing goes as planned.
I woke up and my new phone (which I am updating from) felt it needed to have my alarm go off continuously. There was no grapefruit for breakfast and my darling Shrimp was mad at me.
Then I notice I've lost some of my measly tips from my second job. Upon arriving at McDonald's to get my caffeine fix there is a huge line up for free small coffees and my ex pulls up beside me.Gets out and goes inside. I mean I ducked but still I noticed his van first. Luckily, I was in such a bad mood I didn't get out myself to inside or we would have run into each other.
Work has just been one thing after another and I am on a
25 min break instead of my hour for a multitude of reasons. It's a good thing I can multi- task but bad that I almost passed out from anxiety.
Being 23 and this stressed out working 50 hour weeks and seeing my bank account rise ever so slowly makes me mental but perhaps I always was a little mental.
I'll check how my formatting is when I get home. Back to work. Wish me luck!