Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Late Night? Early Morning? Ramblings....

Wowza! Flow training was marvelous, remarkable, scary, anxiety ridden, exhausting, and perfect.

It gave me hope and gave me peace.

And was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life. Every day I wanted to leave. Every day I stayed, I practiced, I breathed.

After 7 days I left with a new family unit and part of myself I haven't seen in a while.

The biggest take away from flow is that in my getting lost, in my journey, in all of this, it's okay to move one day at a time. It's okay to know that something is coming tomorrow but that today is where you are and what needs your attention.

I lived with three beautiful souls and yes, it was 7 days, but each one taught me something, gave me something and I hope I was able to reciprocate.

Funny side point: I really didn't think I was sleeping the best while there, and I wasn't, but since coming back my sleep has been horrendous. It's at a peak now which is why it's 4:45am and I'm writing. I've been awake since just after midnight. If my body gets three hours of solid sleep it feels nourished and ready to go until I start feeling sick, exhausted and crash again but only for three hours.

I'm going to try and not crash today, even if it means I stay up for 24 hours, I need to reset. I need to push harder to pull through.

Two flow practices a day made me realize I am strong. I am capable. I can persevere.

The trouble always is staying inspired. Staying motivated. And staying grateful.

I really think people mix up positivity and gratefulness...because at the end of the day, it's okay for me to say "Ya know what, today wasn't my best, but I get to start again tomorrow. I get to try again. I get to sleep in a bed, with a roof over my head, with a fully belly and friends who care and support me and that is enough for today." With gratefulness of each day, eventually (I hope) I'll get to "And I'm enough"And until then well, Fall TV is starting up. ;)

"Lazy doesn't exist. Lazy is a symptom of something else. The person who can't get up off their butt is just a person who's depressed. It's usually a pervasive lack of self-worth, or a feeling of helplessness."-Jillian Michaels