Thursday, January 19, 2012

True Love

My last couple of posts have been lame to say the least. This one won't be eye opening for lots of people I'm sure. I know a lot of people will never have their opinion changed about this topic but I don't know if many people view this the same way as I do, so here we go.

One of the people I would love to meet the most in life and I look to a lot for inspiration, for perspective, for calm, is Marilyn Monroe.

I'll start off that saying I don't believe she committed suicide, and if she did, I don't think it was intentional, more a Heath Ledger incident.

Why do I look to her when Audrey is RIGHT there too? I love Audrey for different reasons, but I've always been drawn to Marilyn.

I think it started because I'm not an Audrey body type. I have curves, even at my thinnest I have hips and I have breasts. It's just my body and looking to Marilyn helped me accept that.

But it turned into a lot more than just her ability to rock the curves.

She has a history. She had experiences. She rose above all the obstacles life threw at her for 36 years. Sure she changed her name, she reinvented herself, but that just meant she got to create who she wanted to be. She was more than an actress on screen, she acted in her own life, she became her art.

Maybe that's pathetic or sad for some people. But the woman had a strong sense of self and was brilliant beyond her years. I think she had a lot more to say to the world about it but she bit her tongue because that's what she was to do. She wasn't a "blonde bimbo" and yes, she probably could have gotten any man she wanted, she had a few, but I think the main reason she couldn't, or rather, the men couldn't keep her was because they were intimated by her. She wasn't only gorgeous on the outside, beauty doesn't scare men, knowledge and power scares men off, and she had both.

She taught me that "It's better to be unhappy alone than unhappy with someone - so far. " When I felt I had lost everything, the words she spoke so long ago meant something. And that's why she matters, not because she was a giant sex symbol, because she was vulnerable and showed the world she was vulnerable. She didn't hide behind strength, her strength was her ability to be open when being a woman and sharing thoughts and feeling still wasn't the norm. She was beautiful on the outside and the inside.

I don't deny she had troubles and I don't pretend she was perfection. But neither was Audrey. If I've learned anything in life so far it's that I don't want perfect and striving for perfect will only end badly. What's perfect is loving people for who they are-flaws and all. Marilyn helped teach  me that and it's a lesson I couldn't be more thankful for. Being able to love that way means you are open to the possibility of true love.

I will always be a Marilyn, it's just who I am. If you can't handle me at my worst, then you certainly don't deserve me at my best.

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 

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