Friday, January 20, 2012

The Road to Trust

Trust, I can't access the OED so Merriam-Webster defines trust as:

"a : assured reliance on the character, ability, strength, or truth of someone or something b : one in which confidence is placed"
Trust is one of the largest struggles I find in our world. If we all trusted each other a bit more, and were able to trust each other that bit more, there would be less reliance on things, objects, materials and more on human connection. 
Trust is one of those intangibles of life. You can't see it, you can't touch it, but it's the most important aspect of relationships. Forging relationships is impossible without a base of trust. Trust that this person won't hurt you. Trust that you can turn to them when you need help. Trust that at the end of the day, they care for you. 

Trust and communication go hand in hand. You need to be able to communicate your needs, desires, hopes, fears, in order to be able to connect and when you give these to another human you open yourself up to hurt, tears, anger, betrayal in hopes that they are that good person you believe them to be.
There have been certain people that have come in and gone out of my life that I trusted with every part of me. There are people in my life, albeit distant in multiple ways at the moment that I can still turn to, no matter day, hour, part of the world, I know they'd be there to listen and help. There are people I want to trust but there are too many factors that stack the odds I'll ever be able to trust them. My own issues and their own inability to face their fears and move forward. And it's those ones that have brought this into the forefront of my mind. 

I don't think them bad people, on the contrary, I can see exactly where they are coming from, the confusion, the anxiety, the fear, so they hide. Hide behind lies because "the truth" hurts too much. When in fact, I've seen the truth really only sets you free. Sure there's hurt at first, sure there's tears, there's struggling to understand, but when you get down to it, living a lie means you're living with so much fear of who you are and what you can do that you'd rather diminish yourself and those you let into the lie. 

Truth hurts but that pain heals, because at least you know you were worth the truth. Lies cut to the core and make your ability to trust close to nil. 

I'm not talking about little fibs of course, the world wouldn't function if whole truths were told all the time. I mean, don't lie about being happy unless you actually can fake it til you make it happen. I mean, don't lie about who you love, or don't love, don't pretend things are okay in relationships when they aren't, talk about it, change it, or move on. 

People aren't inherently evil or mean (okay, I'm sure some are) the world we've created has pushed people to come off that way. We isolate ourselves because we think pain isn't worth it. But (excuse my use of cliches today) you don't get the rainbow without the rain. You can't know happiness and goodness if you don't hurt every once and while. You won't appreciate it. 

I think sometimes I write these as pep-talks for myself. ;) 

Trust needs to be built and once it's broken the rebuilding takes so long. Be careful with your heart, your trust, but be more careful with everyone else'. 

"The best way to find out if you can trust somebody is to trust them." Ernest Hemingway 

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