Time Marches On

It's been too long.

So much has happened and yet it feels as if nothing at all has occurred.

Currently, I'm listening to Middle of Nowhere by Selena Gomez and riding the VIA to Montreal for more yoga training. And I'm scared to death. More scared than I remember being in a long time.

It's hard to put an exact time on it but these last 2-3 years have been hard and I know a lot of people close to me are worried. They express concern, sent encouragement, and walk on egg-shells.

Ya know that picture of your life you create growing up?

It feels as if I'm as far from that picture than I ever have been before. Because I got out and then regressed. Living in my childhood home, less money in my bank account than when I was 16, fewer job prospects and passion, desire, drive that is stagnating.

Please, don't get me wrong. Teaching yoga. Practicing yoga. The connections I've made over the past few years have been life changing, inspiring and keep me going.

But I have gotten very lost along the way.

And I may be at the breaking point. I keep telling myself that's okay, it's okay that for the next week as I struggle in my yoga practice, struggle in learning about anatomy, struggle in having roommates, that it is okay to break down. It's okay to feel what I'm feeling.

My life has been built of suppressing and repressing despite my nature of living with my heart on my sleeve. Smiling at strangers. Laughing to myself on walks. Seeing the storm clouds roll in and watching with amazement and in stunned silence at the beauty of the storm.

I moved home from a journey I never intended to come back from.

Vancouver has a part of myself that I struggle with wanting back and wanting to just move forward...

After I got home one of my good friends came over for a catch up, she'd had a really rough year while I was gone, and yet she could see something I hadn't even acknowledged, and I'm paraphrasing, but she mentioned how I seemed harder, less likely to laugh, smile, and this is  my interpretation, that my spark had gone out.

She could not have been more right. That was over 2 years ago and I'm not sure it's back yet, but it's flickering. The embers just need some oxygen.

I'm going forward, the pressure that in my life, the stress, the anxiety, my inability to breathe deep, my aversion to practicing yoga, the fear of not being good enough, my broken relationships, all of this is going to turn me into a diamond. And diamond's are a girl's best friend.

And if I don't become a diamond, well, I'll still be okay, because as Leonard Cohen said, "there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in."

Yoga for Seniors

So I took the first weekend of Yoga for Seniors in early October and was supposed to take the second weekend this weekend but with such a small enrollment it was cancelled. :(

The first weekend was a fairly practical approach. Lots of modifications for age, lots of modifications for mobility, balance, flexibility. It was interesting to see the approach from a non-Moksha view point and be led by a variety of teachers through poses.

It also really helped me solidify my trust in my knowledge as Moksha focuses on Accessibility and this really has become a part of my practice and my teaching. I knew how to use the wall, the chairs, blankets, bolsters, etc., to create poses for a variety of aging situations.

The best was that I was able to come back to my students at the Salvation Army and in the studio and be even more aware of the best pose for them.

That being said, I was super excited for Part 2. It was going to be a therapeutic approach with a focus on palliative care and bed yoga.

I will keep my eye on it for the next time it's offered. And what I learned from it being cancelled was that this is an area I truly care about-I want to be accessible in my teaching, I want to expand my knowledge for safe and effective practices and I want to continue to take additional trainings so that I can be the best teacher for the students who cross my path.  

Live to Learn

I've always fancied myself a lover of learning.

Yup. I was that nerd throwing her hand up in the air for every question in school. And yup, they were usually "right" in one way or another.

In University, I changed my tune a bit and the "scholars" bugged me. I have never been a huge fan of Classic Literature...and yet I'm an English Major. Even now, there are certain books I am drawn towards in that canon and certain ones (and authors *cough* Fielding *cough*) that I just cannot get into. SO I played devil's advocate. I was able to see the very valid points being made but could also see the flaws or holes in the arguments that could typically be overlooked by those who fully LOVED the novel, poem, etc., that all encompassing blindness that comes with passion.


So my live to learn project is going to get at the core of my love of learning-studying for the GMAT, as well as, a part of my life. Learning new skills and a new industry in a new job and growing my knowledge to teach with an additional training.